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Hello. I'm Yasmin. 18 (2018)
This is the place where i share my life adventures to unknowns.


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Hi. Marhaban Ya Ramadhan~

Just wanted to comment on my previous entry about Infinite. Haha i made it sound like they broke up or something when it's just Sunggyu absent right. zzz i think about the end too much don't I. sigh, I shouldn't be doing that.

Speaking about the end, this particular friend and I again,,,, um had a miscommunication. This is like our idk how many times. I actually don't find anything to be offensive or a reason to complicate our friendship. Even if this friend is mad at me or anything, I never like to make it as a big deal and tell the world about it(but now hm) because I just don't feel like I should feel the same way, the hatred or the unsatisfactory this friend is feeling towards me. But i do express my regret on my private instagram account however without mentioning the person involved or really explain what's happening. I do realize it's my fault. Sigh but, I'm assuming that my friend had actually initiated our friendship to be over, um because based on this friend's tweet. I mean when someone said something like "its been a decade we've been friends, we have shared so many things blabla".. what do you think that means. This friend is talking about the end. Doesn't it looks like it? I just don't get why he/she thinks that was the right action because I'm not down for it, at all. I still think this can be fixed. It would be such a pointless move as we had done so much together..And for all that to be thrown away is just???? what? that easy??? We're not kids anymore???? It's childish.

Nonetheless, I shouldn't be jumping into conclusions because the tweet wasn't certain or mentioning anything about ending our friendship. Unlike this friend, who had assumed my tweets were meant for him/her. I wasn't and I just find it funny that he/she thought that it was about him/her. Here's a question. Why did you think it was implying to you??? I don't know if I should tell the whole story here about how it started and everything. I'm not hoping there'll be any reader actually but I'm considering this because if there happened to be one, people wouldn't understand what's the structure of my story. Like why did I say it was my fault and all.

Briefly, I'm a bad texter. Like reAAAAAAAllLLLL bad. I appear for a moment, then I'm gone. I take forever to reply. I think too much of what to reply. I don't keep long conversations(well not anymore). This problem, I can assure you readers that I have told people multiple times about how bad I am at texting. Plenty of times have I explained why I did this and that, Plenty of times had i said sorry. I just don't have time for everyone. I understand if the text is urgent but regarding this incident,, I don't think it was. It only required me to confirm a thing, which I haven't (atm). And this person him/herself told me to text after i already confirm stuffs. Therefore, I didn't reply. Little did I know someone could be so pissed about it. Sigh. I killed the conversation by replying "ok." Well of course after the rage.. Hm maybe i added something like "i hope you won't be so dramatic about something minor like this, even with someone else". Mean..Was it..

Okay, It's not like this is the first time(ITS ALWAYS ABOUT THE SAME THING THAT THIS FRIEND'S UNSATISFACTORY IS ALL ABOUT). I admit, I have done this multiple of times(to many people -  friends,family) and I wished people actually understand i always have a hard time replying or keeping conversations going. The reason I explained on my socmed was for people to not expect anything from me but of course,, who would ever take their time to read such a useless post and take it into their consideration. Not everything's about me right. Sigh for the millionth time in this post. I wish I could satisfy everyone so they don't have to suffer like this, having a shitty friend who nevers show compassion or the same effort. Maybe I deserve all the insults.

I also have said this before. If my friendship with anyone tend to ruin, I'll know it's me who should be blamed. Not being bitter or anything. Just tea.

This particular friend was really hurt by my actions of not replying fast, or even try to continue the conversation. Perhaps making me look like i lost interest in the friendship. Honestly, no I never thought about that. This friend thought like ahhh okay I have this circle of friends so I don't need this friend anymore. whatthefukwhatthefukkkkkk I barely talk to anyone?!?!?!?!?! Trust me. I don't have a special circle of friends. Ahhhh I don't know what to do with overthinkers.. How do i even convince them after all this happened??!?!! I don't think they'll bother to listen to my apology. That's why I agreed when this person accused that I'd never find him/her unless they reach me first. And that's true because I am honestly scared to approach people first. What if they just don't want to talk to me, they're still in their anger phase and I'm just making things worse?! THOUGHTS THOUGHTS THOUGHTS!!!

I'm tired of explaining the same thing to the same person. No one really wants to listen. Maybe it's me. Maybe I should change for the people. I should give them the treatment they want, not what they deserve. I'm sorry. I'm still sorry even though this is my hundredth time and nothing has changed. I'll do better. And since it's Ramadhan, lets all change for the better. Hopefully, InsyaAllah.


By the way, I'm dejected that this friend has told his/her other friends about what happened between us. I feel awful. I'm really ashamed. I wouldn't want to talk about this because I know people used to badmouth my friend.. And I want people to stop looking at his/her flaws. Thinking I could help maintain his/her pride. But ok.

 If texting is something that measures one's friendship, then I deserve no one.

Until Next Time. Yours truly, Yasmin.

Labels: 2018, confession, dramatic, emo night, lolz

"you look fat" "you're darker than me" "because you're dark" "your butt is kinda.." "your boobs are kinda.." "i think i should delete my ig posts. It's not well-organized" "you just realize it now?""you suck in choosing songs" "wow you know english songs? lol i thought you only listen to kpop" "you're kinda hypocrite you know?"

But in the same time they want me to ignore the negative comments and live on. They told me i cared about negative things too much and forgot the good things i have. They always give me the-annoyed-look and "there you go again =,=" everytime i tell them about the negative statements. So they told me to be what i wanna be. "You are who you are." "Don't change yourself for someone." you know,, I would if i could. They told me I didn't live to please someone but um, did they even realize and really thought of what they said? They asked me "what's wrong?" but didn't know they were the reason why. They gave me hope but then they put me down by insulting without noticing. I who is a coward, never speak out my thoughts to their statements. Just so they won't get hurt by my words. Instead, I would smile and walk away or just say "yeah" and leave. I dislike pointing out my thoughts that I am unsure with what the respond will be. Maybe they'll hate me until the level they want to kill me or hold grudges for a loooong time (this thing ain't good sebab boleh memutuskan silaturrahim antara dua pihak and tu dah jadi dosa). I don't like stating offensive comments although it's not but they take it as it. I think twice, thrice or even more sampai dahnak migrain before i do something. Maybe sometimes I don't and be like "JUST DO IT LAH YOLO BISMILLAH FISABILILLAH". I don't think anyone ever noticed this thing except for Aleen. She was always there when these kind of things occur. She always notice if something is wrong. I'm just like HOW DO YOU KNOW WEH. I thought i was a good actress because i was able to hide my sad faces before and be called as the happy-go-lucky-tak-pernah-sedih-punya-orang person. Usually i manage to hide it but maybe not, sometimes. There's one statement that really hit me to my lowest. I cried. Can't believe i did doe like macam gedik gila nak mampos. And some days after, i confessed everything from A-Z from chapter 1 until the end. And damn, i burst into tears again. I thank three of you so much for being there. I wove you TTwTT. I beg you to please stop mentioning about things that i am insecure about. I don't think i have to mention it because everyone can think. Kalau hang masih sebut, you suck. hang bodo. aku benci hang sampai bila-bila. jk jk. Tapi sebab aku sayang hang punya pasai, aku tutup mulut aku daripada argue balik. {sayang ketats-ketats sampai hang takleh nafas.} heh

They wouldn't like if they get this kind of treatment from me. I know. They would probably hate me as heck. So lovelies, think more than once before you act. Think; what if your bad actions hit you back? What goes around comes around tau.You don't know what they go through and maybe they want to forget about something that hurt them the most... Don't ever hurt the place that has been hurt. About this post, i know it's like an indirect arguement or whatever. I gotta admit, yes i am afraid to tell the sekian-sekian directly because i hate making people feel bad.

Maybe satu lagi post macamni akan wujud pada masa akan datang because this happens everytime. They never stop. Allahualam. May Allah Frogive them all. Until next time. Bye.

Labels: 2014, confession

Hi . We will be going on a trip ayeee wuhuuu~

It has been a while since my family and i went to a trip. Holiday trip. Ahhh i miss the good old times. Our location is at PD. Can't think of anywhere else so yeah. I'm hoping it'll be a great trip for all of us. Idk but i think i'm in the process menggemukkan diri this school holiday like damn ugh. Evolution of yasmin be like;

Fat > Fatter > Fatttttt fatter > Damn so fat lah
People have been telling me i'm getting fatter. I want to have a balance diet but hard leh. Everytime i tell mom i want to go on a diet, she'll be like "ah ngada - ngada" but she be saying i'm fat. I actually think that my weight is normal. It actually is. My BMI is 20 something. I never overweight. But they be thinking that i am overwight because of my weight. I am called fat sejak my weight masuk 48kg when i was 12 back then. Oh my god. Isn't normal weight okay yet for you guys. Do i have to be so skinny to prove everything? haish. Sometimes it is frustrating to hear them saying things i don't wanna here about myself. It's not that i don't want to accept their advices or wtsv but damn. My self esteem will be lower than before.

And i'll be focusing on my flaws, not the beauty in me. It hurts lah der. Prof. Muhaya always advice to find and love the beauty of ourselves and not to find the flaws in us. But no matter what, i always put my head down because i am not as good as them. I know i should be thankful by Allah's blessings but idk. I'm just too concsious of everything that people have that i don't. But i'll try to keep this quote in mind.

Whatever you do, don’t get stuck on the one thing that ruins your day.  Smile and be grateful.  Life is too short to waste on negativity.

That's all for this time. Bye

Labels: 2014, confession