Monday, 15 September 2014 @ 19:23
"you look fat" "you're darker than me" "because you're dark" "your butt is kinda.." "your boobs are kinda.." "i think i should delete my ig posts. It's not well-organized" "you just realize it now?""you suck in choosing songs" "wow you know english songs? lol i thought you only listen to kpop" "you're kinda hypocrite you know?"
But in the same time they want me to ignore the negative comments and live on. They told me i cared about negative things too much and forgot the good things i have. They always give me the-annoyed-look and
"there you go again =,=" everytime i tell them about the negative statements. So they told me to be what i wanna be. "You are who you are." "Don't change yourself for someone." you know,, I would if i could. They told me I didn't live to please someone but um, did they even realize and really thought of what they said? They asked me "what's wrong?" but didn't know they were the reason why. They gave me hope but then they put me down by insulting without noticing. I who is a coward, never speak out my thoughts to their statements. Just so they won't get hurt by my words. Instead, I would smile and walk away or just say "yeah" and leave. I dislike pointing out my thoughts that I am unsure with what the respond will be. Maybe they'll hate me until the level they want to kill me or hold grudges for a loooong time (this thing ain't good sebab boleh memutuskan silaturrahim antara dua pihak and tu dah jadi dosa). I don't like stating offensive comments although it's not but they take it as it. I think twice, thrice or even more sampai dahnak migrain before i do something. Maybe sometimes I don't and be like "JUST DO IT LAH YOLO BISMILLAH FISABILILLAH". I don't think anyone ever noticed this thing except for Aleen. She was always there when these kind of things occur. She always notice if something is wrong. I'm just like HOW DO YOU KNOW WEH. I thought i was a good actress because i was able to hide my sad faces before and be called as the happy-go-lucky-tak-pernah-sedih-punya-orang person. Usually i manage to hide it but maybe not, sometimes. There's one statement that really hit me to my lowest. I cried. Can't believe i did doe like macam gedik gila nak mampos. And some days after, i confessed everything from A-Z from chapter 1 until the end. And damn, i burst into tears again. I thank three of you so much for being there. I wove you TTwTT. I beg you to please stop mentioning about things that i am insecure about. I don't think i have to mention it because everyone can think. Kalau hang masih sebut, you suck. hang bodo. aku benci hang sampai bila-bila. jk jk. Tapi sebab aku sayang hang punya pasai, aku tutup mulut aku daripada argue balik. {sayang ketats-ketats sampai hang takleh nafas.} heh
They wouldn't like if they get this kind of treatment from me. I know. They would probably hate me as heck. So lovelies, think more than once before you act. Think; what if your bad actions hit you back? What goes around comes around tau.You don't know what they go through and maybe they want to forget about something that hurt them the most... Don't ever hurt the place that has been hurt. About this post, i know it's like an indirect arguement or whatever. I gotta admit, yes i am afraid to tell the sekian-sekian directly because i hate making people feel bad.
Maybe satu lagi post macamni akan wujud pada masa akan datang because this happens everytime. They never stop. Allahualam. May Allah Frogive them all. Until next time. Bye.
Labels: 2014, confession
