Wednesday, 16 May 2018 @ 22:50
Hi. Marhaban Ya Ramadhan~
Just wanted to comment on my previous entry about Infinite. Haha i made it sound like they broke up or something when it's just Sunggyu absent right. zzz i think about the end too much don't I. sigh, I shouldn't be doing that.
Speaking about the end, this particular friend and I again,,,, um had a miscommunication. This is like our idk how many times. I actually don't find anything to be offensive or a reason to complicate our friendship. Even if this friend is mad at me or anything, I never like to make it as a big deal and tell the world about it(but now hm) because I just don't feel like I should feel the same way, the hatred or the unsatisfactory this friend is feeling towards me. But i do express my regret on my private instagram account however without mentioning the person involved or really explain what's happening. I do realize it's my fault. Sigh but, I'm assuming that my friend had actually initiated our friendship to be over, um because based on this friend's tweet. I mean when someone said something like
"its been a decade we've been friends, we have shared so many things blabla".. what do you think that means. This friend is talking about the end. Doesn't it looks like it? I just don't get why he/she thinks that was the right action because I'm not down for it, at all. I still think this can be fixed. It would be such a pointless move as we had done so much together..And for all that to be thrown away is just???? what? that easy??? We're not kids anymore???? It's childish.
Nonetheless, I shouldn't be jumping into conclusions because the tweet wasn't certain or mentioning anything about ending our friendship. Unlike this friend, who had assumed my tweets were meant for him/her. I wasn't and I just find it funny that he/she thought that it was about him/her. Here's a question. Why did you think it was implying to you??? I don't know if I should tell the whole story here about how it started and everything. I'm not hoping there'll be any reader actually but I'm considering this because if there happened to be one, people wouldn't understand what's the structure of my story. Like why did I say it was my fault and all.
Briefly, I'm a bad texter. Like reAAAAAAAllLLLL bad. I appear for a moment, then I'm gone. I take forever to reply. I think too much of what to reply. I don't keep long conversations(well not anymore). This problem, I can assure you readers that I have told people multiple times about how bad I am at texting. Plenty of times have I explained why I did this and that, Plenty of times had i said sorry. I just don't have time for everyone. I understand if the text is urgent but regarding this incident,, I don't think it was. It only required me to confirm a thing, which I haven't (atm). And this person him/herself told me to text after i already confirm stuffs. Therefore, I didn't reply. Little did I know someone could be so pissed about it. Sigh. I killed the conversation by replying "ok." Well of course after the rage.. Hm maybe i added something like "i hope you won't be so dramatic about something minor like this, even with someone else". Mean..Was it..
Okay, It's not like this is the first time(ITS ALWAYS ABOUT THE SAME THING THAT THIS FRIEND'S UNSATISFACTORY IS ALL ABOUT). I admit, I have done this multiple of times(to many people - friends,family) and I wished people actually understand i always have a hard time replying or keeping conversations going. The reason I explained on my socmed was for people to not expect anything from me but of course,, who would ever take their time to read such a useless post and take it into their consideration. Not everything's about me right.
Sigh for the millionth time in this post. I wish I could satisfy everyone so they don't have to suffer like this, having a shitty friend who nevers show compassion or the same effort. Maybe I deserve all the insults.
I also have said this before. If my friendship with anyone tend to ruin, I'll know it's me who should be blamed. Not being bitter or anything. Just tea.
This particular friend was really hurt by my actions of not replying fast, or even try to continue the conversation. Perhaps making me look like i lost interest in the friendship. Honestly, no I never thought about that. This friend thought like ahhh okay I have this circle of friends so I don't need this friend anymore.
whatthefukwhatthefukkkkkk I barely talk to anyone?!?!?!?!?! Trust me. I don't have a
special circle of friends. Ahhhh I don't know what to do with overthinkers.. How do i even convince them after all this happened??!?!! I don't think they'll bother to listen to my apology. That's why I agreed when this person accused that I'd never find him/her unless they reach me first. And that's true because I am honestly scared to approach people first. What if they just don't want to talk to me, they're still in their anger phase and I'm just making things worse?! THOUGHTS THOUGHTS THOUGHTS!!!
I'm tired of explaining the same thing to the same person. No one really wants to listen. Maybe it's me. Maybe I should change for the people. I should give them the treatment they want, not what they deserve. I'm sorry. I'm still sorry even though this is my hundredth time and nothing has changed. I'll do better. And since it's Ramadhan, lets all change for the better. Hopefully, InsyaAllah.
By the way, I'm dejected that this friend has told his/her other friends about what happened between us. I feel awful. I'm really ashamed. I wouldn't want to talk about this because I know people used to badmouth my friend.. And I want people to stop looking at his/her flaws. Thinking I could help maintain his/her pride. But ok.
If texting is something that measures one's friendship, then I deserve no one.
Until Next Time. Yours truly, Yasmin.
Labels: 2018, confession, dramatic, emo night, lolz
Thursday, 10 May 2018 @ 13:53
IM MAKING SONG COVERS AND I THINK IM GIVING TOO MUCH LOL. MY VOICE ISN'T ANY GOOD LOL.
Update : Btob's Thriller is the closest to being done. However,, (spoiler) I enjoyed recording the encore part of Btob's I'll Be Your Man. The rap parts + vocal merge AHHHHHH JOHA!!!
A new hobby? Hm,, or is it?
I've done a lot during my post-spm break, besides just waiting for Uni Results. I started with playing sports only to doing arts to playing piano and finally making covers. Why not do everything around the same time? Nah. That doesn't work on me unfortunately. I focus on one thing only. Once i'm hooked on doing one specific activity, I'll be doing that ONLY. But, I'll end them whenever lol.
Apart from that, I'm teaching Chemistry now. Yeah, A tutor. I'm teaching 2 people currently. This week will be my second class. Not that I'm superb at Chemistry but yknow,, teaching is learning too. I really like Chemistry too btw hoho.
CUBE PLS DONT BLACKLIST ME. I JUST REALLY LIKE WHAT SUNGJAE SAID T^T
Anywho~~ Sad news,, Sunggyu is enlisting to the military next week, 14th of May. This day has finally come huh. I can't believe it has been this long since I became an Inspirit. It felt like it was only yesterday I was watching Infinitize DVD at Abby's house with Alya and Aleen. It felt like it was only yesterday One Great Step was held. It felt like it was yesterday Ranking King ended. It's really crazy at how fast time flies. I still can't get over Infinite showing up with only 6 members but now 5? Ha ha.. Really.. We're at this point already. I love them with all my heart. Truly. My heart hurts but I should've known, it's going to happen anyways whether we want it or not. The thought of it was scary back when I was 13. But now that it is happening before my very eyes, it's just really normal although very sad. We just-- grow older. Thank You Infinite for the musics and joys you have brought into my life. I'll always wait, I'll always be here.
Labels: 2018, first post
